Do you beat yourself up because your faith isn’t clean and tidy, or sprinkled with memorized Bible verses and blissfully free of nagging doubts?
I see other women with their worn and highlighted bibles and tell myself they obviously love God way more than me. Perhaps if I used neon pens I’d be a better Christian?
I hear others talk of seeing God move in answer to prayer, while I stare at the unmoved mountains in my life and conclude He doesn’t love me as much.
I dream of being a woman of great faith, unshakable, unflappable, with it tattooed on my heart, but I wake to a reality that disappoints. I’m a muddy, scrappy disciple, clinging to faith with chipped nails on one hand, and a large glass of doubt in the other.
Not quite a Mary or Elizabeth. Not much of a Ruth or Esther, am I?
How about you?
Yet when I read these heroines of the faith I’m certain the Bible gives us the edited highlights; the Facebook version. We don’t hear about Mary’s long nights of doubt and fear as her unwed stomach swells, and we’re not told of Ruth’s uncertainty or regret as she bends to the threshing room.
Yet I’m sure they doubted. They must have questioned. Surely fear crept in.
Mary, Ruth, Elizabeth and Esther must have wrestled and grappled, even in the quiet of their own hearts.
Their great faith is recorded, but can’t great faith be scrappy and muddy?
So let’s not beat ourselves up dear friends. It’s OK to wrestle and fight with our faith. It’s there in the authenticity of the mud and tears that we meet God.
In fact, I bet those women I envy, with their clean and tidy faith and mighty moves of God, are scrappers just like us.
I reckon they’re covered in mud in the same way we are.
Those worn, highlighted bibles and miracles of God, are probably the outward signs of an inward journey just as messy and doubt ridden as ours.
Friends, let’s not compare our inside with someone else’s outside. It’s a recipe for envy and jealousy.
It’s in the mess of a muddy scrappy faith that we meet God.
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Let’s get scrappy friends. Let’s be real and vulnerable with God, and each other.
When Paul encouraged us to run the race set out before us (Heb 12:1), I’m pretty sure it was a mud run.When Paul encouraged us to run the race set out before us (Heb12:1) I'm pretty sure it was a mud run. Click To Tweet
The Muddy Scrappy Disciple
Wrestling with questions, fearing it’s fake,
We search for God in the noise and pain.
We doubt, we shout, we praise, we fail.
We turn away before turning back, circling our faith in disorientation.
We’re lost then found, only to lose ourselves again in the business of life,
Aching for God we dig into His word,
Until the glittering world calls our name.
We beat ourselves up, we humbly repent, then repeat like the addicts we are.
He says He loves us unconditionally,
Yet we give Him our shortcomings, our failures, not our praise or our gratitude.
Intent on earning something that’s free, we fight to keep something we cannot loose.
“Be still” He whispers, “Let go” He soothes,
As we surrender we see Him, we feel Him, we know Him; Abba Father.
Daddy.Intent on earning something that's free, we fight to keep something we cannot loose. Click To Tweet
Let me ask you…
- Do you compare your faith to others?
- Are you guilty of comparing you’re inward walk with God to someone else’s outward journey?
- Can I invite you to celebrate the mud and stop beating yourself up?
A Question for You …