Finding out you’ve got a tumor the size of a fun size candy bar making itself at home right where the sun doesn’t shine, can change a girl’s outlook on life.
It can change a lot of things.
Like how you love your kids, how you take care of yourself, how you pray, and how much toilet paper you buy (in case you didn’t know, my cancer was rectal cancer – I know, a bummer, literally).
I’m hoping to be cleared by my oncologist next month. Yeah! I’m quite excited to say the least and may celebrate with a glass or four of bubbly.
To say the last five years have been a roller coaster would be like saying Jaws is a small fish and Bill Gates is comfortably well off.
It’s been MASSIVE, friends. Like, crazy oh my goodness I think I’m going to barf, wild. There were highs, with outpourings of love and deep connection with the Man Upstairs, but the lows were horrid (no gory details now because I’ve shared some of my Why me, Lord, why me? stories before).
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never stepped off a rollercoaster quite the same girl as when I got on, so I’m sharing some of the things I wish I knew BEFORE I got cancer.
1. People say the craziest things.
Unfortunately, people don’t know what to say when you tell them you’ve got cancer.
And that’s OK. It just means what comes out of their mouth can be wonderfully loving Oh I’m so sorry to hear that, mind-blowingly thoughtless Oh my uncle had that – he died last month, or totally real and honest Well that sucks!
Yes, I’ve had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of all of these and I’ve heard much worse from other survivors.
In our fear and awkwardness, we botch it. We’re just not as kind as we’d like to be. So now I stick to a script of my favorite response:
That totally sucks and I hate that for you. I’m here for you and want to help by ……
2. Asking for help isn’t weak.
I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: Our strength can be our greatest weakness. The last five years have taught me asking for help does NOT mean I’m useless, helpless, worthless, pathetic, weak, less-than, or any other personal slur I can come up with.
It just means I can’t do it all. And that’s OK too.
Someone else can cook meals, go to the supermarket, mow the lawn, take the kids to soccer, change diapers and light bulbs, and walk the dogs.
No one else can go to chemo. No one else can snuggle with your kids and say “no matter what, mummy loves you.” No one else can go to your doctor’s appointments.
Now I’m better at asking for help. When something comes along I can delegate, defer, delete, or do it.
[Tweet “”I wish I’d known 5 years ago that “Do” isn’t the only option.” ~@NikiBHardy”]
Maybe you’re a recovering “Do-er,” too.
3. I’m stronger than I seem.
And so are you.
It’s not until we’re faced with something frightening that we realize how brave we can be. What mountains could I have climbed, what dragons could I have slain, and what enemies could I have faced, if I’d known in my 20’s and 30’s how strong and brave I could be?
Don’t wait to find out, friends.
[Tweet “”You are stronger and braver than you know, right now.” ~@NikiBHardy”]
4. Life doesn’t have to be perfect, to be full.
I used to believe that with enough faith and old school gumption, life could be a perfect fairytale, or at least if I behaved and believed enough, life would be easy. Then my mum and my sister Jo died of cancer, and I was diagnosed – and the illusion shattered.
Are you kidding me, God? Where’s the abundant life you came to give me? Where’s the full life you promised?
My journey has convinced me that the life in all its fullness Jesus came to give us (Jn 10:10) isn’t reserved for the gaps between the troubles He also said we’d face (Jn 16:33).
I’ve found ways to experience His rich abundant life, slap bang in the middle of the hard stuff. It is possible friends, when we trust Him, when we choose to be brave, vulnerable, in community, and reach out.
It’s not always pretty, and it’s never perfect, but it IS full and abundant. Let’s embrace it.
5. “Soft and Strong” is worth paying for.
Loo paper was just loo paper before I had cancer.
Now it’s vital to my overall well-being and mood. Scratchy one ply can ruin this girl’s day.
Whether it’s the right loo paper, a new lipstick, or your favorite posh tea bags, somethings are worth paying a little bit extra for, especially when they have the power to disproportionately brighten your day.
Go on, splash out, go wild, and by the brand with extra Aloe. You’ll thank me tomorrow.
(If you or someone you know has cancer, I’m so sorry. It stinks. I want to be here for you. Let me know what you’re struggling with right now by dropping me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. I promise to read it and write back. Niki xx)
Do you find prayer difficult?
I do, especially when I’m at rock bottom.
For many of us prayer can be a tricky thing and we’re often lost for words. So I wrote one for you. There’s one for you to read, and one for you to fill in the gaps and make your own. You can download it HERE.
Would you like to send this prayer to a friend? Just copy and paste this link and they can grab their own. http://eepurl.com/csG3m1