Come on, let’s admit it, we all keep secrets.
You may not have a body buried under your patio or be laundering more than your undies in your washing machine, but chances are you have a little family of secrets about God hidden away somewhere.
I know I do.
Like secrets everywhere they’re quiet and corrosive. Staying hidden, even from us, their creator, they persuade us they’re an illusion with no affect on our thoughts and actions.
They’re sneaky like that.
But they are real.
When I find myself overwhelmed, anxious and scrolling through Facebook in a vain attempt to escape reality, only to come away feeling inadequate and less than, the chances are one of these secrets is beginning to itch.
And every itch just wants to be scratched.
So I scratch.
And scratch a bit harder.
Revealing my ugly little secret.
“I don’t believe you love me God.”
There it is. Out in the open.
Here are some of the other offenders; the secrets I’ve hidden from God, and pretty much everyone else, since I can remember. Do any of them sound familiar in one variation or another? If so, you’re in good company. Over the years lots of people have confided in me that they too hide these same secrets from God in an attempt to stay safe, loved and in His good books.
Sometimes I’m not sure You’re real.
I don’t trust You with __________ (your most precious and/or painful thing.)
I’m not sure I believe what You say. (His promises about me, Jesus, life, anything.)
I’ve done __________ (That thing you’re deeply ashamed of and never told anyone).
I’m furious with You for __________ (the event or circumstances that have caused you, deep pain.)
I don’t believe You love me like You love everyone else because I’m not good enough.
It’s crazy really, given God’s omniscient and knows EVERYTHING about us. Since He knows what we’re thinking (really thinking), how we’re honestly feeling (not just the happy, skippy rhetoric we trot out to the lady at the check out), and who we’d like to strangle given half a chance, keeping secrets from Him seems rather futile, yet we all do it.
I’m guilty. I’m the worst.
In my savviest moments I berate my unwillingness to be honest with someone who already knows the truth, but still, like a junkie hiding her addiction I bury my secrets.
Yet through the pain of grief and the anguish of cancer in my own life, and witnessing the suffering and injustice battering humanity like a daily tornado, I’ve begun to learn what children first learn in Sunday school. That God is big.
Not just big, but massively ginormous, and He can handle anything.
That includes my hissy fits, tantrums, ultimatums and threats. It includes my rants and disbelief, and even my secrets.
He can handle yours too.
He can handle them because His love for you doesn’t depend on you, but on Him. He loves us not because we’ve got it all together, but because He does.
He loves our imperfections because His love is perfect.
When we come to him with our fears, worries, doubts and even our deepest darkest secrets, He’s not mad or phased. When we’re honest about how we feel or what we’ve done He doesn’t turn His back or tut and groan. He opens His arms and says “I know my child. We’ll figure it out, together.”
And He does, and we do.
So let’s be real and vulnerable with God. Let’s bear our most frightening secrets, not because He knows them anyway, but because He loves us and will help us figure them out as we walk with Him.
There’s nothing you can tell Him that will diminish His love for you or make Him leave you.
You might just be surprised by how He meets you in your honesty.
What secrets have you been keeping buried? Do you resonate with my big ugly ones? What keeps you from sharing them with God or other people? Do you believe me when I say He wont leave you if you tell Him? Let me know in the comments below, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
If you need a reminder of God’s promises to reinforce how MASSIVE He is and how much He has for you, you can download a set of God’s promises to print off and keep. I like to keep them in my bag, post them on my mirror to encourage me through the day, and I put them in lunch boxes and send them as postcards to remind the people I love that He’s there for them too..